Well, the news was not as ideal as I had hoped but I can't say it was bad either. It is ambiguous. It places me in that perfect place where a person is challenged to say whether the glass is half full or half empty. My knee jerk reaction was, "Crap!" I am working on that.
I gave my multi vials of blood and by the time I was sitting in the exam room the doctor could chat about the numbers on the screen. Most numbers came back good - liver, kidney, sugar, etc - but the hemo count (my main baby) has dropped back from the 14 in late September to 11.
He asks, "Have you been feeling tired? (Crap!)
"yes, a little, but I assumed it was running full throttle and the season and..." (Crap!)
"I will order some extra tests of Bs and Irons too" (Crap!)
"It maaaaay be that when the last of the drugs left your system your body has struggled to take up the task of making good blood on its own. This may have been temporary and we will see it improve as you body gets stronger ... or it may mean that we are looking at one of the Mileo blah-blahs that mean your body is still destroying your blood and we will begin to talk treatment..." (Crap!)
"Don't worry yet because 11 is just below normal (12-15) and not necessarily a bad omen. Have a happy holidays, OK?" (Crap!)
"I want to see you in January again to test these numbers" (Crap!)
OK, tantrum is over. This is going to work out and I just need to concentrate on the positive and cut the Crap attitude! I can do anything .... I have God on my side!
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