Monday, November 23, 2009

Obsessive vanity

My hair has been a pretty hot topic lately (in my mind anyway). I have been trying to decide if I should cut it short - like pixie short - and wear it that way for a while. That's not a big deal, right?

Except that I have lost about 60% of the volume in the last 30 days and although it is just a temporary loss as a result of the stress my body underwent last July, it rattles a woman's vanity. Just a couple years and it will be back...or so I hear. At least it isn't all falling out from Chemo ... it could have been that.

For most of my life I have had a lot of hair and all the way to my waist and I enjoyed being able to bun or braid or mop or whatever it. I like variety. I have never liked the maintenance of daily curling iron regimes - just not me. My husband trimmed off a foot so it is shoulder length now but really thin. If I cut it short I will need to style it or something and besides, I am heavier and older and wrinkly now and short hair will be so radically different for me - and it will be thin and wispy to boot. I am now obsessing about it and that is just vanity!

I never thought my hair defined me but I guess whatever becomes our norm becomes who we are and we build some degree of confidence around it even if it is on a subconscious level. Maybe I need to reinvent that part of me?

For now I think I will just cry some more, OK?


  1. Oh, Kel, I'm sorry. I know you probably feel like this is so silly, but on the other hand, hair is part of our identity... sigh

    You might want to consider one other alternative: find a GOOD (emphasis) wig that matches your 'real' hair and determine to "play the part" till you get your hair back. I know someone who developed alopecia at about 35 and lost almost all her hair. People didn't even know she was wearing a wig!

    Hugs--love you. Missed you yesterday, am feeling slightly better today...sigh

  2. Glad you're feeling a bit better. I haven't dropped down to wig level quite yet and maybe it is slowing down? Brush wads are less? I just discovered that the little allegator clips that I used on either side actually work on the whole possum tail in the back so I can still feel like I have a bun and people told me Sunday that they hadn't noticed it... much ...really...uh, huh. I just need to bolster up. Thanks for the verbal hug.